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life not knowing who you are, all you know is the broken heart that beats softly
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Darin's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
2:36 pm
time to say good bye
this lj screename has lost it's life. It was a good lj, i will never forget it, and i will never forget the one that it replaced. Well, if you want to keep posted on my life, you will have to contact me and i will get you the new screename, i am keeping it pretty low profile right now, so i will not post it on here or anything. but i will miss being the "nonameracer" thats all for now, i have some posting to do in the other lj. -Darin.
1:32 pm
working nights...
working nights BLOWS especially since i am at LOWE'S. i will be changing screenames as soon as i think of a different name. I just kinda want Ashley not to know anything about my life, i don't really ever want to hear from her again, so, i think a change is in order... but anyways, it was almost kinda cool at work because i don't have to wear that lame ass vest, and i get to listen to my cd player all night, so that made me kinda happy too. I had Mary over yesturday, and that was pretty cool, it was good to see her again. well, i think thats just about it for now, i think that i am going to go buy some shit for the dirtbike, so i am off to that, darin.
Monday, January 3rd, 2005
8:12 pm
(write that down)
yellow batter

buttercream icing.

got it

(sorry note to self)-Darin.
7:52 pm
yeah...
well, i might be changing lj names again, i will let you all know the name if i do change it. I will hopefully know, by tomorrow, so expect a comment from some weird name in the future. sorry bout that -Darin.
2:08 pm
you don't know me:
You don't know who i am
so please don't think that you can
There is more to me than this world can see
But then there are days
that you just won't let me be
I want to forget you
I want to move on
you drove me to drinking
and always kept me thinking
you were the best thing that ever happend for a while
you really knew how to make me smile
but now you are the worst
and you left me with this curse
I will find someone better
and right now i am glad we aren't together
you will never know how i feel
and my deepest regret is
my heart you did steal
but i will be strong
and my life will carry on
and it will only get better
because we aren't together.

Current Mood: relieved
11:12 am
auto show dates....
January 15 - January 23, 2005
10:57 am
i am soo fucking tired.... I didn't go to sleep till 4 in the morning cus i have to get used to staying up for a while. but then i woke up at 9 in the am. FUCK, why, why can't i sleep till the early afternoon like most teenagers my life can? oh well, i guess that just means that i get to get some more work done today. but i did have a good night thanks to a certain female that i am hopefully going on a date with this week. This girl is pretty damn awesome. I talked to her for an hour and a half on the phone last night. well, i have now been sober for 2 whole days (doesn't sound like much, but hey, i can't make time go faster) I really think that i can last a while, i really think that i have cleared my head for a while. I mean i have the mustang back out, and i think that i will have the 85 yz250 done soon becasue after i finish this writing i am going to go order the clutch basket and send the crankshaft out to get rebuilt, and then i am sending the new parts and the rest of the motor to tim bush, and then once he puts everything back together properly, that bike will be done. And then i think that i am going to send the 73 out soon too, because of the progress that i made with it yesturday. And i made a deal with myself, if i don't buy the 2001 Yz250 i am putting nitrous on the stang. i think i might also fool around with that today. the weather is nice enough out there where i can drive it to the garage and stuff, so i don't know, maybe i will do that, i gotta find SOMETHING to do. and on that note, i say good bye, and wish me luck on my date this week, Darin.

PS note to self: find out when the auto show is!!! and wish Harmony a happy birthday today!!!!

Current Mood: nervous
Sunday, January 2nd, 2005
9:09 pm
the good and the bad
i have worked on a lot today, i have worked on my courage, i have worked on my personal life, and right now as i write this i am working on relationships with people, i also worked on the mustang and the 73 yamaha today. well, i will start with the good, and go to the bad. for the mustang: good news: posi works again, bad news, the belt squeak came back.... Now, for the enduro, the ignition switch works, and so does the horn (its sounds soo funny, i messed with that horn forever today) but it still doesn't have spark.... but hey the horn still works, and i am thinking that it is either the wiring or the points in that bike and i am going to have to send it away for the points, so i think that i am going to do that soon if i don't buy that race bike. now for the good about myself i stopped drinking, i have thought about it long and hard, and there just isn't a point in it anymore. well, i might have a date this week too... which would be really good, because i need to get back out there. Its like the saying about falling off a horse you know, after you fall off, you need to get right back on. Well i have fallen pretty badly, so i think its time for me to give it another shot, so we'll see what happens. on other news, i won't be online like i ussually am, because i will be sleeping like all day since i am working nights for this week. but i did buy the daredevil dvd it i really like that movie, he could be my favorite super hero... but spiderman is still pretty boss. well, i think thats all for the day, Darin.
2:00 pm
working on stuff
well, i am working on solving problems in my life right now, and then when i am done here, i think that i am going to go back to working on the problems with the mustang and the enduro. i got an ignition switch for the enduro, and i am about to go and test it as soon as the battery charges, and then i am going to go see if i can find out what is wrong with the rearend on the mustang, becasue i think i might actually be able to help it. i all ready fixed the belt squeak on it (YAY!!!!) so, i have been quite busy this morning. well, i think that the garage is calling me, so i will update more later. -Darin.

PS damn it feels good to get my hands dirty again. i have missed this for many months....

Current Mood: satisfied
Saturday, January 1st, 2005
3:12 pm
new years....
well, all i have to say is i really learned my lesson, i am not drinking that much ever again. And my supply of Jager didn't make it a half an hour. You do the math: i weigh 150, i didn't have any food in me, and i drank half of fith of Jager in a half hour. well, if you add all that up you get one thing: REALLY FUCKING DRUNK. I really don't remember much of anything at all from last night. but i can't live like this anymore. I am not drinking like this anymore, i am ruining my life doing all of this drinking. so i am going to keep sober. I HAVE to keep sober. i think that i am going to pour out the half a fith of Capt. Morgan that i bought yesturday... well, on better news, i got the yamaha belt buckle, and a belt for it yesturday, and i have to say its the shit, i love it. and i got the mustang necklace back, and i am thrilled about that too, becasue i did kinda miss it and stuff, and it feels good to have it around my neck again. well that is all for now. -Darin

Current Mood: tired
Thursday, December 30th, 2004
11:11 am
i am still moving down south
yeah, i am still going to do it, you thought it was one of those ideas that was just going to fade away but i don't think so, i am tired of snow, i am tired of being cold all day. so, we'll see as soon as i can get down there, i dont think that i will come back either. oh well, just was thinking about that so i figured i would "write" that down, Darin.
10:31 am
something blew my mind yesturday....
well, i was about to go to work yesturday, and my phone rang, so i picked it up, and it said "Joe" on the caller i.d. well, i haven't talked to Joe in quite sometime. It turns out he got me something for my birthday and for christmas. I didn't know what to say, it really kinda blew my mind. So, we talked for about a half an hour about life, and i told him how i am kinda turning into a country boy, and he was proud of me. But he did propose to Kim, so it really is official that they are getting married now, and to be honest with you and myself, as long as they are both happy together, i will support them both. He also said that he is going to stop smoking which also made me proud, because i really wish that he wouldn't have started in the first place, but hey, we all make mistakes. But i hope that Joe and i can really make up our differences, becasue it was soo much fun in the past years playing hockey on the pond together and making fun of James and his inability to put the puck in the "net" (cough laundry basket cough cough). but once he gets back we'll see what happens. but work still sucks. I feel bad because this guy is not doing his job, and i have to "motivate" him to start doing it. And by motivate i mean punish him if he doesn't stop slacking. i like this guy though, so i really don't want to punish him, but i am not going to take the heat for his errors. well, i think that is all for today. -Darin.

PS i had another weird dream last night....

Current Mood: blank
Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
10:27 am
i slept.... (kinda)
well, i have been in bed since yesturday at about 6 o'clock at night, I didn't sleep continuously though everyone kept waking me up. I just wanted to be like: "hey, i am sick leave me the fuck alone" but i didn't i was a "nice" sick person. well, i did dream last night and it was really creepy, it was soo realistic, and i woke up yet again in one of the night sweat things, yeah, it sucked, especially since my room was freezing, so, then i just went and peeed and then went back to bed. It was an interesting night. Well, yesturday sucked balls. I worked nine hours with the flu, and one of those hours was spent in the managers meeting. and i didn't get to get intoxicated yesturday to finish the story that i am writing. all i have to say is i need someone to help me cap off the rest of my alchohol because i don't want to drink all of the rest myself. But i am going to get shitfaced thursday night finish the story, then shitfaced again for new year's eve, and hopefully that will take care of the rest of my alchohol, i am going to donate my 3 Mike's Hard lemonade to Sue's party, so i don't have to worry about them. But i just don't want to get drunk anymore. I am actually tired of it. I have seen soo many people ruin there lives with that shit, that i don't want to have to watch myself ruin my own life with it. well, that is all for the moment, i guess all i have to say is it feels good to feel better. -Darin.

Current Mood: hungry
Sunday, December 26th, 2004
7:40 pm
"dreamer" Ozzy Osbourne
Gazing through the window at the world outside
Wondering if mother earth will survive
Hoping that mankind will stop abusing her, sometime

After all there’s just the two of us
And here we are still fighting for our lives
Watching all of history repeat itself, time after time

I’m just a dreamer, I dream my life away
I’m just a dreamer, who dreams of better days

I watch the sun go down like everyone of us
I’m hoping that the dawn will bring a sign
A better place for those who will come after us this time

I’m just a dreamer, I dream my life away, oh yeah
I’m just a dreamer, who dreams of better days

Your higher power may be God or jesus christ
It doesn’t really matter much to me
Without each other’s help there ain’t no hope for us
I’m living in a dream, a fantasy
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah

If only we could just find serenity
It would be nice if we could live as one
When will all this anger, hate and bigotry be gone?

I’m just a dreamer, I dream my life away, today
I’m just a dreamer, who dreams of better days, ok
I’m just a dreamer, who’s searching for the way, today
I’m just a dreamer, dreaming my life away
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah

Current Mood: not feeling soo hot
Saturday, December 25th, 2004
6:18 pm
merry christmas
well i had a pretty good christmas. I got some cool books, and some money, which is good because i have to keep saving for that bike. I was really thankful though that all my grandparents were present for this one, and i hope that it is the same way next year and for years to follow. but i did something really random today. I ran. my dad wanted me to get the newspaper today, so i ran to get it. It felt good for about the first 300 meters and then i about died. It was a little disheartening, but i will get over it. But it means also that i won't be going into the coast gaurd or the air force because i still have the exercise enduced aesthma (or however you spell it). Which is kinda sad, but i don't really mind either, it just means that i will have to find my calling elsewhere. well, there was only one thing that i didn't get for christmas that i wanted but i wasn't expecting that i would get it anyway... oh well, sorry that i don't update so much anyymore, i just don't feel like writing soo much. Its hard to explain. but thats my life for now, Darin.

Current Mood: empty
Friday, December 24th, 2004
6:37 pm
i got a package in the mail today....
and in that package was something that i wanted to read about. It is something that i have always thought would make for an interesting future, it is a package from the u.s. coast gaurd. I have always had a love for the water, and this would be a good way for me to escape this place and go somewhere a little more exotic. and plus i need to be by water, that is something that i have really missed. water. what is it about water that gives me goosebumps all over? I don't know, its just the thrill i get when i am in or near it that i love. I have had a lot of bad experiences in water, and have nearly died several times at its hands, but that will never stop me or hold me back. but the more that i read about the coast gaurd, the less time i have to make a decision. i have less than a year, i can't be over 22 to join. so, we'll see if i join or not. well, thats all for today for the most part, i think that i am going to sign off and start getting ready for church. have a merry christmas, i don't know when i will be back online again, Darin.
Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
10:30 am
i haven't been here in a while, and it has been good for me. work is crazy. they have changed soo much, and they are like counting on me. yeah, me. thats what i said.... but hey its money. well, i don't think i will be online again for a while because i am tired of sitting here in this broken chair when i could be doing something constructive. I want to start running again. I don't know why, but i just have to do it. I have wanted to for a while now, and there isn't that much stopping me right now. I just have to stop the bad stuff that i am doing. I have gone through half a bottle of jack in less then a week, and i have had a couple of beers at the bar and stuff and i had a mixed drink last night, but i didn't get hammered. but i don't think i want to be online this much anymore, so we'll see if i am back, Darin.
Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
4:11 pm
life in general....
well, work is really interesting i have 2 new bosses which is kinda cool because i like both of them. And i am no longer working in the hardware dept. did i lose my title? no, i just have that title elsewhere. But i had to go through my first manager's meeting, and it was rather interesting. well, thats all i have to say for now, but if you are going to comment, leave a name, please. -Darin.
Sunday, December 19th, 2004
9:40 pm
"wanted dead or alive" by Bon Jovi
It’s all the same, only the names will change
Everyday it seems we’re wasting away
Another place where the faces are so cold
I’d drive all night just to get back home

Chorus:
I’m a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I’m wanted dead or alive
Wanted dead or alive

Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it’s not for days
And the people I meet always go their separate ways
Sometimes you tell the day
By the bottle that you drink
And times when you’re all alone all you do is think

Chorus

I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back
I play for keeps, ’cause I might not make it back
I been everywhere, still I’m standing tall
I’ve seen a million faces an I’ve rocked them all

I’m a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I’m wanted dead or alive
I’m a cowboy, I got the night on my side
I’m wanted dead or alive
Wanted dead or alive
9:30 pm
a lot to update, but soo little time
well, good news for the mustang, good news for the dirt bike situation, and had a GREAT night for my 21st (tequilla is NOT good for you) well, i might update this but i don't know, because i have a lot to do, and i have a lot to put on paper, not here, i don't want the world to know some of my thoughts right now. and i want to write differently write now. well, thats all for right now, i think that i am going to have a shot of jack, nah, fuck that i am going to drink it straight from the bottle, and then go to sleep. I am the modern day John Wayne. Congrats to all my exes, you really have turned me into a cowboy. -Darin.
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